I took a deep breath and then deleted my facebook profile

Actually, I didn’t even take a deep breath. I’m a little bit, well, impulsive. So I just searched through the help section on facebook till I found the article I needed, and then pressed the “Yes I’m sure” button. Facebook promptly sent me a very helpful email saying that if I changed my mind in the next two weeks, they could restore my account. But I won’t change my mind. I almost never do. About anything.

Oh it isn’t like I didn’t think it through! I loved posting inane photos of my adorable kids and dog. And facebook is a great tool for communicating with my audience from this website. But last night found me sitting at open-mic night at my local pub, enjoying the music and company of my friends. I turned away from the music for an instant and saw three people at the table I was at checking facebook on their phones. I suddenly decided that I didn’t want that in my life — and whether or not I choose to check my social networks when I’m out “socializing” — by taking part in it, I am still feeding the beast.

The other aspect of facebook that I did not love is that the format never cultivated actual friendships for me. The word “friend request” seemed inauthentic, and more and more I find myself in a place where I need the self that is projected into the ether, my cloud-me, to be closer to what I am in real-life. Facebook, for me, was more of a place where I engaged in petty passive aggression and indulged in my vanity. In real life, I try to avoid both — so why did I get so caught up in it online? Finally, I felt like the facebook profile needed maintenance. Rather than my network serving me, I felt as though I had to constantly update this stream of information in order to be relevant and interesting and not get lost in the stream. And maintaining this network was another energy draining task I was adding on top of my blog, my students, my clients, my children and my hobbies. Who needs that?

My solution for the fan page was to create a new profile that only contained my name, city and a snapshot of me. No friends. No wall. I don’t need a stream to read and I don’t want to receive messages for this account. I just need a log in to the fan page. I transferred the administration of my page to my new, empty account. Once that was finished, I deleted my facebook profile. No “goodbye facebook”, no contact info posted. If someone wants to get a hold of me, it’s easy enough to track me down.

I find myself curious about what will happen next. I wonder:

• Will no one talk to me now that they can’t just post on my wall?
• Will people send me invitations to events, or call to let me know what’s going on?
• Will I find some other social network to fill the gap that facebook leaves?
• Will I freak out next week and log into facebook, restoring my account?
• Will I be more productive and not miss it at all?

I do have a g+ account, but I do not have interest in using it for anything other than meaningful conversation, really, and sharing photos from my phone (inane kids, dog) to members of my family. I like a lot of things about g+, though google is a little scary (I have theories that I could write about the future and google, but you’d probably think I was nuttier than you likely do already!).

I have a twitter account that I fall in and out of love with. Mostly I find twitter useless and spammy.

So any of these networks could, in theory, be a stop-gap or replacement for facebook, should I decide to use them for that. But will I? I’m not sure I can say right now! What I know for certain is that I didn’t spend any time or brain power skimming over someone’s leveling up on some online game or misinformed reposted status update. And as little as that may seem, in the grand scope of the universe all those little energy leaks add up.

And look, I’m a single mama. I need to reserve every bit of energy I can!

Some questions for discussion (should you like to continue this conversation with me):

1. Does your social network serve you? Or do you find you serve it?
2. Social networking, for me, indulges my vanity. What qualities do you find it cultivates in you? Are these qualities you want to cultivate?
3. What does an “ideal” social network look like? Have you found one? What is it?

The Door in the Fog

We were driving home from a weekend… eh hem… adventure¹, my housemate behind the wheel. I was dozing in the passenger seat. Seventy-five miles per hour on the highway, two a.m. The music on the stereo was barely audible over the summer breeze pouring through the cracked windows, still warm in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes and the car was enveloped in fog. We were hurtling down the highway, unseen, unseeing. And then, I did see it. Right in the middle of the road. A door. Not one hundred yards from the windshield. Standing upright, like some portal to another dimension. Assumming no one else in the car had seen it (we were still moving fast, all set to smash right into it), I pointed and blurted out, “DOOR!!”

I opened my eyes and my housemate and our friend in the back seat were laughing hysterically. “Dude, you just said ‘door’!” The road was clear. No fog. We were home a few hours later.

The next week. Two a.m. I was driving back from another… uh… adventure². My friend (who had sat in the back of the car the week before) was dozing in the passenger seat. It’s lovely to drive long stretches of midwestern interstate in the middle of the night. The traffic is light. You thoughts can wander and expand. The roads are straight and flat and easy to navigate even in the thickest of fog. And then I realized where I was. Hurtling down the highway, unseen, unseeing. I exhaled and put my foot to the brake. The fog was so thick, I wouldn’t have seen anything more than a car-length ahead of me anyway. The brakes squealed as we came to a sudden stop. My friend jumped up, startled awake by the sudden change in momentum.

The deer was so close to the nose of the car that I could see his barrel chest raising and falling in the headlights. It was one of those moments when everything was happening in slow motion and complete silence. He looked at us quizzically for a moment before sauntering through the low clouds across the highway and bounding into the woods.

My friend uttered some words³. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel, trying to find my breath, “It wasn’t a door,” I whispered.

I must have gotten the vowels mixed up in translation. I hate it when that happens.

***

“It’s not going to happen the way you think it will.” The universe told me this morning as I opened my eyes. Sometimes she whispers little things like that to me. Often when I’m mostly asleep. It’s very inconvenient, in my opinion, but I’m at least grateful we’re still on speaking terms, so I take what I can get.

Notice the Universe didn’t say “It’s not going to happen”.

One of the biggest problems that we have with the Universe is that we don’t speak the same language. And by that, I mean that our thoughts are limited by how we can wrangle them into words with meaning inside our heads. And the Universe? Neither thoughts or words can contain her. Just like the door and the deer in the road, I often find I get my psychic signals crossed. Sure, it happens, but definitely not in a way I would expect or do predict. And this is a common experience too. We know things will work out, for example. We say that like we believe it. We just don’t know how, exactly. And continue to be surprised when ultimately, it does.

I think about my door/deer quite often. It comes up in conversation with old friends — who still find it funny or unnerving⁴.

I used to think that experience made me a very lousy psychic. After all, in this circumstance, I was totally wrong.

But now I wonder if I did pass through that door on that night. If perhaps my incident in the fog didn’t mean I was a terrible psychic at all, but rather, quite the average psychic… And by ‘quite the average psychic’, I mean just like everyone else on earth.

Have you had any similar experiences? Get tripped up by the static on your intuitive channel? I invite you to share your thoughts!

Past life regression & Soul Coaching

This morning I had the pleasure to be able to experience a Soul Coaching session with Patti Allen. Patti is a certified Soul Coach® and Past Life Coach, Rubenfeld Synergist, Mentor and Reiki Master. At the beginning of our session, when I asked Patti if she could describe Soul Coaching to me, she replied simply, “Soul Coaching is about getting clear.” Sounds good! And sounds like a lot of other practices I indulge in (tarot, yoga, roller derby…). She explained that it is a helpful process for people trying to answer the question, “What does my soul need to work on in this lifetime?”

Before our session she asked me what I’d like to focus on. I mentioned that I had recently drawn up a numerology report for myself (numerology is a new thing I’m really digging on! I’m sure I’ll blog more and more about it later). Anyway, in my Life Path, I have a number which is indicative of… duh duh DUH!!! KARMIC DEBT.

Now look, I’m about as New Age woo woo as they come. But if a client of mine came to me and said they have karmic debt, I’d be pretty darn skeptical (just like when you tell me about the curses laid on you… seriously, I don’t buy it). But for some reason, when I looked at this chart and I saw the words “KARMIC DEBT” written out in front of me, it just struck some deep resonate place. Suddenly many of the tarot readings I’ve had in the past few years started to make a lot of sense. Karmic debt. Those two words just kind of held me.

So I asked Patti if she had any insights about karmic debt and some ideas about how to move past it. She started by asking me some general questions. One of the questions she asked I really stumbled over. She said, “If you could just change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?” and I sat there for a minute and then blurted out, “I’d like to be more organized, but that seems so petty!”

It’s really not petty though. I love you, gentle readers, and I know you love me too. But if you have had any interactions with me at all you know I’m a hot mess when it comes to keeping track of emails, phone numbers, customer requests, appointment times, receipts, bills… basically anything that might have important information that should be printed out immediately and stapled to my hand until I take care of it. (Seriously, you know I love you, right?)

So then Patti and I talked a little bit about that and suggested we go on a journey to find some more answers.

I’d never done any past life regression before. In fact, the very idea kind of terrified me. Even though I’ve studied hypnosis, I’ve never allowed myself to be induced. But this morning I figured that the universe placed Patti in my path for a reason and I should just let go and trust. So I did. With Patti’s gentle guidance, I was able to visit a past life, which shed some light on my karmic debt — and you know what? It was pretty trucking cool. And believe it or not, it even tied into all the petty problems I have with returning emails and phone calls.

It feels too intimately personal to write about the details of what I experienced on during the past life regression part of the session. Needless to say, it was very real and profound. And I felt quite nauseous afterward (she says it’s common). But you know what? It wasn’t scary. And it was actually really helpful. And that’s the whole point of my post here. I wouldn’t write about an experience as an endorsement if I didn’t find it helpful. So if you think you might benefit from some Soul Coaching, I recommend Patti. I found her to be warm, friendly and highly knowledgeable.

I’m curious if any of you have had any experiences with past life regression? I’ve read about some tarot techniques that delve into similar areas of the unconsciousness and I’m interested in trying them out now!

Regiving: The Gifts of Kindness & Laughter

A few months ago my friend Amanda asked me to take part in her blog series, Seven Souls One Musing on Kind Over Matter, by answering the question: “What was one of the funniest experiences of your life, one where you laughed from your core?”

The blog series inspired her to compile an eBook, regiving the gifts of laughter and kindness from 30 different visionary contributors to YOU. The result is a book brimming with compassion and hilarity. These are the kinds of stories you want to read with your morning coffee.

(some of) My favorite lines from the stories shared:

“I’ll always remember what it felt like to be so invincible: to have someone believe in me with their whole, fumbling, translucently lovely heart.” – Goddess Leonie

“Which is dumb. Because it was tea. Except it wasn’t.
It was an act of love. Recognition. A moment of being-seen-ness.” – Fabeku Fatunmise

“So Brian suggested I take off the tights. But (I can’t believe I’m telling you this) – they were the kind with the panties already built in. Catch my drift?” – Connie Hozvioka

“Instead, the congregation started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Though the laughter wasn’t cruel, I didn’t know what to do with it, so I did what came naturally. I peed my pants.” – Tanya Geisler

And that’s just a taste of the 60 stories compiled in the book. Amanda also had the good sense to ask five different artists to each contribute a inspiring art print for you to download and hang.

It’s a pretty sweet little book, that’s all I’m sayin’! (and not just because I’m in it!)

Buy the book here and make sure to visit and subscribe to & follow Amanda’s blog, Kind Over Matter here.