My session was set for Saturday evening. The last night of the conference, right after the formal banquet (I wore a dress. And high heels. I looked hot. I digress). The conference may have been about tarot, but I had long sensed this shift in the metaphysical tide. I started learning and then creating Lenormand oracles because my clients had questions that I wasn’t able to satisfactorily answer with a tarot deck. Of course the tarot is like a religion to me (or at least as close as I’ll probably ever poke one with a long stick…) But when I read for people and they have questions about love, money, sex, work, their kids, their pets, their parents, many of them don’t want spiritual counseling. They have no interest in enlightenment. They just want hard answers and the Lenormand is perfect for that.
I had told the class that when I stated with the Lenormand deck, I was just getting comfortable with the term “psychic”. Because I don’t read your thoughts. I have no idea (or interest in knowing) what your deepest darkest desires are (I mean, I have this idea and I’ll probably figure it out anyway throughout the course of a reading… but seriously, if that shit just ran like a feed loop in my brain I’d have to cut my head off. Really.). I’m not a medium in the sense that I channel spirits. I’m actually pretty dubious of spirits (other than Greygoose and only with a dash of tonic, thanks). And to be honest sometimes I’m even sketchy on “the future” (as in, whether or not it actually even exists). There I said it. But for all practical purposes, I’ve come to accept that psychic is as psychic does and I do the psychic thing, ya know?
At the same time, I used to hate hate HATE the phrase “fortune telling”. I even had it on my website. “I am not a fortune teller.” What do fortune tellers do? They make hard predictions about the future. Like specific things. But again, I found myself at times, despite myself, making hard predictions about the future. And still I was resisting this delicious facet of my self because of the fear of being WRONG.
I’ve since come to the realization that the future, in terms of right and wrong, exists on a plane of consciousness that is both simultaneous, experience-able, and mutable. That is, the right fortune and the wrong fortune happen whether I predict it or not (and I typically do) – because YOU CHOOSE your fortune. You experience the fortune I predict or fail to predict because YOU CHOOSE your fortune. And you have the ability to change your fortune with or without me because this is YOUR CHOICE to do so.
You come to me, the fortune teller, for answers to questions that plague you. What I do, what my capacity is as a fortune teller, is to give answers. Those answers comfort you or disturb you into action or path.
I am a fortune teller. Want to know your future? It’s YOUR CHOICE.
That is so powerful.
My experience, in New York City, in the midnight hours outside the Laguardia Hotel Marriot, having a fantastic conversation about ROLLER DERBY with an enchanting lady from the Czech Republic, was that a man who specializes in public relations happened to overhear us talking. He and his partner approached us, interest piqued about the roller derby thing (have I mentioned it’s awesome?) and we proceeded to chat for an hour and a half about life, the universe, everything and public relations. Our realization was that we’re in the same business.
And then he read my cards. Literally. I handed him some postcards I had printed up of the new deck I’m working on, the Wicked Sibyl, and he looked at the cards, looked at me and told me my fortune.
And I have to share that with you, because it’s been a theme that’s popped up for me since last year, and because what he told me completely scared the shit out of me (and he was literally some random guy on the street). And I know that when I get frightened, that’s when it’s getting real for me. That’s when I stop playing and make actual propelling decisions. I get my cards read frequently and had been the victim (willing) of so many card readings over the course of the weekend – but none had shook me like his words did – and when I realized that the soul-shaking bits of his talk were in the possibilities that he was able to unfold for me in the universe, it was revealing. I realized I was standing in front of the Magician. Le Bateleur. Il Bagatto. The Magus. He was mesmerizing. Only in New York City. Only in the deepest hours of the evening. And only outside some shitty hotel next to the airport, right?
Do you want to know what he told me? I’ll give you a little nugget.
He told me I was powerful. And he told me that it was my choice to utilize it, or live in fear. And I know I’ve heard this before, the “you are such a strong woman” stuff that people blah blah blah. And Kate Courageous, in the capacity as my life coach last year (another Magician!) was practically spoon-feeding me “YOUR CHOICE” and I didn’t catch on. Why does it take some kind of random chance encounter to shift my focus? I suppose I’m a bit of a Pareidoliac, though everyone in my profession is. In the course of one conversation, my life shifted from “I am trying to make this work” to “I work it.”
That subtle reframing was the choice I had been pushing up against. And now I’ve been adequately disturbed into action.
The moral of my story — Your fortune is your choice. Stand in that power and move with it. Don’t let fear of being wrong dictate who you really are.